Let’s deviate from all the crafty goodness I usually share here one last time.
I’ve been really struggling with a few things lately and I knew I needed to get to the temple…it’s been some time since my last trip. I had a long conversation with Lil Sis on Friday after she got off work and as she was pulling out of the driveway I asked her if she would be willing to watch my kids so I could attend the temple on Saturday. She said yes and with that she was off. I was still reflecting on the opinion she had expressed during our conversation and struggling to cope with circumstances such as they were. I got busy doing a bunch of mundane things and just kinda pushed those feelings aside. Saturday comes and I wake up to a knock at the door. After opening it, I discover it was the Fed Ex guy who came a-knocking. Thanks Brie…too bad I didn’t get to see him cuz one of my Fed Ex guys is SUPUH fine! Digressing sorry….
My day gets off to a rough start and my good intentions become vain and I text my sister telling her nevermind I’m not going to the temple maybe next week…that Lil Sis of mine is RELENTLESS sometimes and she INSISTED I go and that she didn’t mind if my children were grapefruits instead of peaches. I hate subjecting my children to people when they are sour, but I certainly get my share of sour with my nephew and my sister swore she didn’t mind. Finally I got in the shower, dressed and headed out the door.
As I’m driving to the temple, I hear the song Virtue from the album Be Not Afraid. Correction…I heard the performance track for said song…it’s one of our favorites and it really got me thinking about virtue. What does that really mean….when I say to you “be virtuous”, what comes to mind? Do you think of being chaste and pure, do you think of honor? Do you think of modesty, of innocence maybe even? I had so many thoughts on my drive to the temple today I can’t possibly make time to share them all…not all of them even need to be shared anyway. This virtue thing stayed with me though….
Virtue is many things…some would argue it’s everything. According to dictionary.com, virtue means “moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.” Hummmm….moral excellence what exactly does THAT mean right? I have some ideas, but we’ll save that for another time.
When I thought about virtuous women, I immediately thought of Ruth. Is it not accurate to say that her virtue saved her people? I ♥ Ruth, she has so many traits worth emulating. Interesting how virtue and integrity go hand in hand don’t you think? As I drove I thought about what I do or don’t do to keep my virtue. Some of those things are quite obvious, but what about how I treat myself? Do I treat myself the same way I treat the other virtuous women I know? Do I respond with as much love and trust and faith? No, I do not.
As interesting as the thoughts and impressions about virtue were, it still didn’t give me the answers I sought. I continued on the course to the temple and arrived with just enough time to catch the 4:30 session. It was a HARD session. For the first time in my entire life I felt a little “put out” by my attendance at the temple…I honestly didn’t WANT to go…my back hurt, my kids were being brats, I was tired, and frustrated that I wasn’t getting any clear impressions or answers to the specific questions I had. I’ve never gone to the temple and not gotten answers.
Guess what though….God ALWAYS answers prayers. I mean always, even if the answer is “NO”, He will always give us an answer. Yesterday my answer came from Proverbs. You see Friday my sister and I were talking about how frustrated I am with my current condition and she suggested maybe I was at such a place so that I could learn to trust God entirely. I however, felt like the answers were somewhere about fear…I started searching for scriptures on fear and yet somehow ended upon trust…there I found Proverbs 29:25. Go read it…right now….I’ll wait.
It tells us that fear of man bringeth a snare…a snare. You know what a snare is right…a trap. Fear of man brings a trap…it was so not what I was expecting but it was EXACTLY what I needed. What if my fear of my ex husband (man) has kept me just as trapped as his abuse did before I left him? This brought me back to virtue…according to webster.com, one of the definitions is “a capacity to act”. I realized I have the capacity to act more trusting toward Him who NEVER disappoints…trusting Him not just in the SUPUH big things or the things so small they are almost trite, but in the everyday and in the every way.
Today, I chose to trust my God unrestrained, despite how scary it was to do so. If you noticed, the “Live Faithfule” link that was password protected has vanished…its content has been moved here, and I’d love to see you over there!