I may put on a brave face, but my life has really fallen apart recently…to say that I’m in the middle of a storm is really putting it mildly. Quite frankly…it’d be more accurate to say I’m at the end of my rope and the knot I’ve tied is slipping and I am running out of strength to hold on much longer. Can I be honest…shoot it’s my blog…of course I can….
Last week when I handed my tithing envelope to the Bishop it was hard. Ok wait…no that’s not what was hard. I love my Bishop and I know tithing is a Godly principle. The hard part was writing the check. I knew how much money there wouldn’t be in my account once my tithing check cleared and rent is coming along with all the other bills and I’ve pretty much tapped all my resources. Not all of them, but most…and with the amount of income I have coming in at the moment, it just simply isn’t enough (thanks Baby Daddy 2 for your ongoing economic abuse…it’s gonna make me even stronger than I already am) to take care of everything on my own.
Finding a job in today’s economy is hard right, can I get an Amen?!?!? Try getting a job in today’s economy when it’s been ten years since you last worked and you are only three years old on paper…it’s pretty much impossible. Despite this, I’ve continued to look for work and I’ve continued to pay my tithing and trust that God will do the rest and somehow it will all be ok. I choose to praise Him in the storm…no matter how turbulent the sky. It hasn’t always been easy…I’ve yelled at Him sometimes, I’ve cried to him most of the time, I’ve turned to Him when afraid and insecure and thus far, He has continued to remind me to be still and know that HE (and he alone) is God and with Him at my side, nothing bad will have victory over me.
Today was HUGE. It was so powerful…Today I had an interview at Michael’s. It’s kind of a huge big deal. My last job interview was about 10 years ago when I was pregnant with my son…maybe one shortly after he was born but he turns 10 soon and it’s been awhile. A month ago I applied for a position and didn’t hear anything…not until Tuesday when I was finally called. Funny how this came after making a firm decision to trust Him no matter what. Additionally, my beautiful sweet friend Kristal Andrew put my “best face” forward when she showed me off to tons of people in the blogosphere during her U-Stream tonight. I wasn’t gonna let her do it and was in mid message to her at Facebook when God SHOUTED at me (sometimes He has to yell at me or I don’t hear Him) to trust him. Over and over again I heard trust is a must and so I decided it was time to be “outted” and trust my God to continue to place a hedge of protection between me and he who may seek to do me harm. If you haven’t checked out my crafty blog, you might want to jump on over to http://faithfulecreations.com and check it out. Click on Read My DV Story while you’re there too…it’ll help clear up why being outted is such a big deal.
So…today as I’m stuck in traffic on the way home from an AMAZING interview, I just couldn’t stop smiling. My mountain was just to the east of me, my skyline to the west, the sun shining, and the son shining in and out as well. I was alone with my thoughts and I just felt the most overwhelming sense of peace and happiness. Joy even. I am pretty sure I got the job @ Michael’s BUT…that’s not even the best part…it’s how I felt knowing that I’m taking more and more of my power back each and every day and that I’m succeeding when, given what I escaped and have been through, failing would be so much easier.
In the song Praise You In This Storm by Mercy Me, it says “I was sure by now that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away. Stepped in and saved the day, once again, I say Amen, and it’s still raining. As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, I am with you and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away and I’ll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for you are who you are no matter where I am with and every tear I’ve cried You hold in your hands, You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm. I remember when, I stumbled in the wind, You heard my cry to You and raised me up again. My strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can’t find you…I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from, my help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth…”
I actually heard this song on the way home today and guess what folks…it IS still raining. No child support yet this month, almost entirely out of cash, totally uncertain how and where I’m going to pay next month’s rent, and no call back yet about my interview despite being told he liked me, thought I was funny, and would be a good asset to the team (he said he’d call me back this afternoon but didn’t). And…even when (thinking positively) he calls and says I’m hired, it will STILL be raining…full-time job, full-time kids, full-time school, full time crafting…it’s going to be hard. Guess what though…I will continue to praise Him in this storm because He is my silver lining to all these dark clouds and I know that this too shall pass. Today I praise Him not just in the storm, but for the storm.