Today’s weather perfectly matches the mood I’m currently in. The day is drawing near when my sister will have to bid her baby goodbye for 8 hours while he undergoes the first of two brain surgeries. I love the two of them more than I have the words to express and right now my heart is breaking for them both. I know that ultimately these surgeries will prove beneficial for my dearest nephew, but right now my heart aches for them both.
My sister is one of the most amazing and beautiful people I know. A large part of who I now am is modeled after who she has pretty much always chosen to be. She is loving, generous, giving, thoughtful, and loyal. She knows all of my secrets and loves me in spite of them. She has seen me at my worst and always inspires me to be my best. She makes a difference in the lives of everyone who knows her and she is one of the most incredible moms I have ever met.
It was about two years ago, maybe 2 years to the day actually now that I think about it, that I first put my hands on her sweet baby boy and I fell in love in a split second. He had just woke up and wasn’t particularly thrilled that a stranger was holding him and trying really hard to get free of me and back to into his Mom’s arms. I will never forget that moment…or one that came a short time later.
While in an aisle at a local grocery store, my nephew had a seizure. It was so small and honestly, had my sister had not told me it was seizure I wouldn’t have even had a clue. He didn’t convulse, his eyes didn’t roll back in his head, it didn’t last for more than just a few seconds and when it was over he just passed out asleep. I had no idea what my sister was going through on a regular basis, but that time would soon come.
The last time I counted his seizures, he had 45 in as many days. He’s been in the hospital for seizure related things at least half a dozen times in the last 18 months. One of these times it happened on my watch. He had so many seizures I had to administer his emergency medicine and take him to the hospital…he had a long seizure in my car afterwards and another on the counter of the ER while I was giving the receptionist his information. His mom met me there a short time later.
I can’t even begin to describe to you the anguish and heartache I feel every single time I see my nephew go through what he does after multiple seizures and I have no idea how my sister handles it with so much dignity and grace. She makes me so very proud. I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart hurts for them both as the prepare for him to have brain surgery next week. I spend so much time with my sister and her children that she is more of a second mom to my kids and vice versa. I call her boys my surrogate sons and her 4-year old is my best friend. It is so hard to see so many things happy to this little guy that, while ultimately done for his own good, hurt him. I’ve already seen too many IV’s, given too much medication and seen him miss way too much of his life. Thankfully though, he has a whole awful lot of it left.
Today has been especially difficult as the reality of his upcoming surgery becomes even more real. I sit here typing this blog post through tears as I think about all this baby has and his Mommy have faced in such a short amount of time. I am praying…no pleading with my Heavenly Father to bring them both out of this with total healing. I hope you will join me in my pleadings by praying for the same thing.
Little Sis…I WANT YOU KNOW A FEW THINGS….
I want you to know that I am proud of you and that I thank God every single day this precious baby was given to you. You are the PERFECT Mom for both of my nephews and they are so lucky to have a Mom who loves them as much as you do. I learn so much about the Mom I have become and the Mom I want to be from watching you. I want you to know that I love you from the depths of my soul and that I love your boys from the very same place. My relationship with the three of you is a blessing I am grateful for daily and one of the most cherished things I have.
Thank you dear Little Sis for trusting me to take care of your baby in your absence. Thank you for educating me and forgiving me when I flip out over something we can’t do anything about or over you NOT flipping out over something we can’t do anything about. Thank you for loving me, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for inspiring me and for loving me. It is extremely difficult for me to play strong when I have some of the same feelings and fears as you do, but I will do my best to be a should to lean on so you can continue to be the graceful, strong, loving woman you are. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU! I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and your precious boys, but I do know that God has a plan and your little Luv is going to ok. He’s going to be better than just OK….he’s going to be healed. I am claiming that blessing for you both.
Little Sis…the best thing to being a Mommy is being an Auntie. Thank you for the opportunity I get to be a little bit of both to your boys. I got your back…you take care of the little one and I’ll take care of the big one till you are home again. I love you so much and I promise, I will get all (ok maybe just most) of my tears out of the way this week so I am strong for you next week.
For those of you who like to know specifically who you are praying for…this is my sister and her two beautiful boys. I love them so much and they are such a huge part of me that my eyes leak and my heart breaks when I think about what they are all facing in the immediate future. I am trusting God to make the rest of their future seizure free! Thank you in advance God for providing a seizure free outcome for my nephew. We are so grateful!!!